Further to the constipation trade show dilemma and the PBS.

In response to the Post on  the Constipation Stand at the Pharmacy Trade Show,



Dear Mrs In Townsille, I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about your scandalously inadequate coverage of Movicol, Australia’s Number 1 PBS Laxative, I feel you did not go into this area deeply enough. Moreover, there is no explanation for the uniniated of what PBS stands for – I can only guess at “Poo Buildup Syndrome” or “Plumbing Blockage Scenario” but it is not satisfactory that I am literally having to make sh*t up here… I would like to add that I enjoy a good Movicol as much as the next man/woman, I particularly enjoyed Mamma Mia but Sound of Music will always be my favourite. Must go run over some hedgehogs now, Cruella xxx






Hello all Lou’s blogworld friends.

Little (insert other adjectives here) James here.

I understand and take very seriously, my obligation to give you factual and relevant information about what PBS stands for.

I truly have a  genuine desire to use Blighty’s definition at work in the Pharmacy, Poo Build-Up Syndrome, but it’s just not the done thing here in Townsville.

To answer your  question as a professional pharmacist, I must make reference to the Bristol Stool Scale, and  pay homage to all those

(perhaps even some of these distinguished Bristol University Folk)

who selflessly gave a shit to the University of Bristol

(University of Bristol)

to help formulate the Stool Scale.  For those of you whom are musically minded, this scale is unlike musical scales


and does not incorporate, nor take in to consideration any order of audibal pitch that may arise during the toilet-going experience.




Please pay attention:

Does your number 2 look like a number 1, you need the number 1 PBS laxative, prevents Possible Broken Seals which may lead to Painful Bloody Stitches.
Or perhaps your number 2 looks like number two, then Movicol is still your number 1 Choice in avoiding Praying But Squeezing too much.
If your number 2s are like the number 3s, Movicol still has the answer –  no need to suffer from Personal Bum Sadness here.
Type 4 is the holy grail of poos. If you are producing type 4 then there’s obviously no Painful Butt Squirming going on at all.
If your number 2s resemble number 5s, uh oh, time to call the Poo Binding Squad you really need to take a firmer approach.
Number 6 number 2s can be cause for concern, for God’s sake don’t use Movicol as things are Pretty Bloody Sloppy as it is.
If, heaven forbid, your number 2s are number 7 all I can say is that you really need to look at Putting a Blockage Somewhere.

Hope that clears up the PBS system for you Blighty.

Some , very boring people within the Australian Pharmaceutical Industry, including Government Officials, and even pharmacists themselves refer to the PBS as the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme:  The Australian scheme for subsiding the cost of medication to consumers of pharmaceuticals.

On this blog we prefer to dig deeper into these vexing quetions.

Regards to all of you, I read your comments regularly, and Lou talks about you all with great affection so I feel as if I know you already.

Must say I’m a bit disappointed as the slowness of my adjective though.

Kind Regards



31 thoughts on “Further to the constipation trade show dilemma and the PBS.

  1. my 5 cent: when you need a toiletpaper to wipe yourself clean, the poo it is too soft/sticky. So 4 would probably be too soft.
    There has been a diet-show on Austrian television, one of the first questions the coach asked was: “What does your poo like like” and the poor candidats had to point on the pictures. Quite embarassing.

  2. Paula, we have Bidets in Australia, I favour them over toilet paper, but yes have the toilet paper too.
    Don’t take it all too literally, you are just supposed to go eeeerrrkkk, Gross, James and Lou, you two are disgusting!
    But I suppose if you have all this live on TV in Austria, then you are more used to it that we are.

    • it IS gross! I am just a bit jazzed at the moment, I am probably lacking a filter. But you might be lacking a filter, too, right now. People who are still sane: look away! 🙂

  3. Dear Louise, I fear that Mrs Blighty is a wicked influence. I now know considerably more that I ever though possible about matters lavatorial thanks to Erudite James. As a taxpayer, I am delighted that he paid attention during his pharmacy leccies! Thinking of scales, it does occur to me that where Movicol is not available (via the PBS or otherwise), significant increases in the Richter, Beaufort and Scoville scales are probably equally likely to lead to corresponding increases in the Bristol Stool scale. I also wonder why when Australians get together we all eventually get to this topic and can only conclude that as a nation we do like to get to the bottom of things… Lindaxxx

    • Linda, this is incredible, I was just thinking of doing a post on the Scoville Scale. George B, our very recalcitrant Galah just loves Capsicums, overseas readers may know them as Bell Peppers. I know that the poor old Capsicum is zero on the Scoville Scale and this was really worrying me. Now I know just the person to confer with on a posting about Scoville related issues and their impact on the Bristol Stool Scale.
      Dear Readers, you’ll either have to google Scoville or wait for the guest post from Linda, that will appear as soon as I’ve nagged her enough to share her obviously extremely superior (FF2010) knowledge on matters Scoville with the ret of us.
      Linda, in addition to Australians always getting on to the topic of number 2s, add anyone on boats. Boats always mean dinner time conversations about toilets, and toilet contents and the fact that no matter what the blockage problem is, if you are female you will always be blamed.

  4. Oh my, quite overwhelmed by your most informative poost – sorry, post, James. That Bristol Stool chart is going to stick with me I fear. I am convinced there is too much Personal Bum Sadness in the world and see it as my mission to ease this using my culinary skills – at least that is what I tell Mr B when he complains about the effects of my signature dish, Chicken cooked in Dettol. Love the photo of the Bristol crowd, they look as if they are no strangers to the Pangs of Bottom Stoppage. James, thank you for clearing up the PBS for me, so swiftly and yet gently, I feel greatly relieved. Must go otherwise I will knock myself senseless with Pile up of Bottom- orientated Sentences…..thud! oh damn.

    • Blights,
      You know how happy this comment makes me, the whole post was done for you. But Little James is going to have reply to you as well. Will arrange asap.
      Little James eats at out place a lot, but we’ve never given him Chicken in Dettol.
      Do you think I should try it, do you have a recipe?
      In one of those amazing twists of fate, I had a major stupid back setback this week, in the Dr’s Surgery of all places. There were even tears, sobbing, outright crying, then truly incomprehensible blubbering while trying to explain pain, and then morphine injections. HOW DRAMATIC!

      I am now on much stronger medication, and have been prescribed MOVICOL. Something about be careful what you blog about is starting to ring in my ears.
      No way I’m sharing my numbers either, so don’t ask.

  5. Oooh, I feel like I’m in the presence of a celebrity with Little (Gorgeous?) James doing guest blog posts… even if it is about poo.

    Thank you James for clearing that up. Perhaps we should all print it out for our toilet doors and attach your business card to the bottom for visitors that may need assistance?

    • Amanda,
      Well of course James really is a celebrity, you should see the followers he has at work. (I am not kidding, there are James groupies lined up at the dispensary every day).

      He’s a great poop story teller isn’t he? I’ll get him to ask Bristol to send us some glamorous copies, laminated and all flash, for your loo door. Plus of course I’ll get you his card as well.

      He actually had a whole set of new cards printed 2 weeks ago. On the night before we all flew off to the Coast for the Pharmacy conference, James offered Arnie B a business card. Arnie carefully took the card upstairs to his bed, and filed it under his bed cushion. Geoff (IT expert stayed over as pet sitter) spent the weekend guarding his iPhone, he was sure Arnie was going to ring us and dobb on Geoff for something.

  6. Great Catch James and Lou this post is hilarious and really has made my day. Plus I love reading the witty comments. Who knew one could learn such valuable info about the state of their poo from following this blog. Just love the poo scale too, such an easy to understand format.
    I’m gathering poo is a vital issue as this week I received the lovely notification of the imminent arrival of my very own National Bowel Cancer screening kit. Tis so lovely to have turned a certain age and have goodies like this arrive in the post.
    Must dash

    • Hey Annie,
      Hope the week is progressing well and happily.
      Gosh I envy you, what fun renovating is!
      Well Annie, you must remember that you are now famous too, by association, because you’ve met the brilliant James in real life.
      He’s a funny young man isn’t he.

      Wow, why are you so special that you got a poo kit, I didn’t get one? Did you apply, or do they think that you naturally have superior (FF2010) poo? Especially since you are a total and complete NON bitch. I bet they were looking for really kind, well mannered, and golden hearted poo.
      Ah, that explains why I didn’t get a kit and you did.

  7. Pretty Bloody Stimulating post on Probing Bowel Studies…
    Great work by Pharmacy’s Brilliant Stud (James)
    and also…….
    Pharmacy’s Best Sheila (Lou).

    • Elizabeth,
      Can I please email you and get full details on you. Important things like:
      age, marital status, hobbies and interests, carrot cake making expertise, ability to move to Townsville?

      I’m really just jumping the gun, because as soon as James reads your comment that James is Pharmacy’s Brilliant Stud, he will be pestering me for above information.

      Tee Hee, not serious, oh, not unless you are, Double Tee Hee!

      110 points out of 100 for such a fantastic comment, so short and so perfect.
      If we get any of the Flash Scale Posters from Bristol (see my comment to Amanda) you’ve won one already.
      and thanks for the great comment,

      • Of course you may email me for details…..(peeing myself as I type)…….

  8. PBS James, that is the funniest thing I have read all year. You have missed your calling as a humorist. And I had no idea there was a poo scale, my nutritionist just differentiates between “fluffy floaties” and “stinky sinkies” which I thought was more than enough definition for defecation. But I was wrong. Hilarious. Truly.

    • Thank you Helen, and welcome to the blog.
      I am so pleased you enjoyed it, we had so much fun talking about it and planning it, James wrote all the really hilarious stuff, I just did the photos and some beaurocratic bits to get it to fit.
      Writing the blog got even funnier this week when I was prescribed the damn Movicol myself. I (and I alone and am not sharing) will be able to test Movicol and its scale’s accuracy!
      James will read your comment rest assured, and I’ll make sure he basks in your praise.

  9. You are a crack up Lou and James!
    Haven’t been fortunate to sight the Bristol Stool Scale (or something very similar) for many years but I expect it comes in a Handy pocket version for the nursing staff to pull out and compare with what is sitting in the bed pan.
    Carry on!
    Kate Bx

    • Okey dokey Saint Kate, James and I do indeed intend to keep on carrying on. (He doesn’t know, but I’ll eventually tell him).
      Would you like us to remain within the pharmacy, or branch out into other topics.
      Really, it was Blighty who got the whole thing started, I keep forgetting to praise the funny one herself as the inspiration for the blog.

      Yuck, wouldn’t want to be a nurse. But I suppose you get used to those sorts of things ……. when I think about life here with 2 chihuahuas, 2 bichon frise, a pigeon, an alexandrine, an indian ringneck and a galah, I do get to observe quit a range of poo types, colours, sizes, shapes, textures and smells.
      Maybe nursing wouldn’t be so bad.

  10. Hi Janet,
    Little James and I don’t watch Oprah (oh god so unFFish I know) so didn’t know she’d done a show about poop. But I guess she’s been broadcasting for so long she must be really scraping the bottom for topics.
    I think Little James’ PBS explanations though would beat Oprah hands down.
    Loved all the commenters (Elizabeth in particular) getting into the spirit of staying with the PBS theme.
    I’m popping over to visit you right now, got the blah. blahs (Back is very naughty today – have asked Chinese friends to source a new spine from one of those criminal gangs that trade in body parts and organs for transplants from executed prisoners – disgusting I know). I know a visit to G C will be so pretty I’ll feel all girly and cheery.

  11. Gosh Lou had no idea I had been elevated to the lofty heights of sainthood! Mary McKillop and I together. Who knew?
    Perhaps you need to hold off on the canonization until AFTER you seen the new doc!!
    Kate Bx

    • Well you got me listening to the good advice, and all who know me well, will tell you that it takes a Saint to do that.
      You know, that around these here parts you are also known as the Louise Whisperer. Even the physio up here calls you that.
      If you ever make it up here, there could be grotto on the roadside devoted to Saint KateB.

  12. Goody!
    I’ll try to conjure up a miracle or two when some children pass my grotto Lady of Fatima style.
    Kate Bx

  13. Well Lou, you have been very busy of late. I enjoyed the movicol post tremendously. If only James had been the presenter of the movicol seminar I went to. Mine was rather snooze worthy and I went home laden with movicol drink bottles and measuring devices not really fit to be seen in public. A GP friend whisked away the poo charts as quick as she could and all I was left with was the memory, until now……..
    Sorry to hear the back is playing up, I do hear they can do amazing things with titanium, perhaps they could graft a new spine to your back like they grow those freaky ears and things.
    I definitely saw the connection between your photo shoot and FF’s, a little bee brooch or two and you would be practically twins;) I keep thinking of trying a shot like that but my camera is too small.
    I nearly peed my pants when I saw Blighty’s post on the dog handbag called the “thatcher”. She dedicated it to you. There is no end to the kindness of people in blogland is there.

    • Deb, sorry this is a late answer, but can you share the reason why you were at a Movicol lecture with the rest of us?
      It’s nearly midnight, and it’s been a gruelling coupe of days, but I’m lost on the FF Bee Brooch comment, and my photo. which one? I’m so non FF I’m totally bamboozled, please put me out of my misery and tell me which photo.

  14. I feel famous by association (having meet J in person) because Delectable James was on tele again tonight socking it to power bills. He is cute in real life too.
    Lou sent you a quick email today. Silence from Townsville is a worry.

    • Gosh, in Brisbane too, that almost make s him a sort of international TV star doesn’t it?
      He’s got a new haircut and really does look delectable now, mut share this with him.

  15. Dear Louise, how has your week been so far? My mum is going home this weekend. My father prepares the home for the welcome (planting new flowers on the balcony …).
    Do you have an opinion on brooches? I “fell” for one and posted it in my last posting.
    Uh, I realize I am trying to cheer you up but it is not that easy. hm hmm.

    • Hi Paula,
      Thanks for cheering me up, it’s been a shitful week (that’s Aussie swearing so don’t go using it inapproprately).
      Isn’t your dad a darling to get the house ready for your mum.
      I don’t wear brooches, no reason only laziness and they put holes in your clothes.
      I’m flat out getting anything much fashionwise happening with the brace at the moment.
      I’ll pop over and rad your brooch post

  16. No pressure here to write a new post lovey but golly gosh it’s a long trawl down this poo post to add another comment 🙂
    Was thinking of you this morning….

  17. OK, a get that oh so subtle hint Annie.
    Will try very hard tomorrow.
    It sure is not going to be about backs though.

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